


The Demon Barber of the Resolute

by SeedsofHope



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:01:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25415851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeedsofHope/pseuds/SeedsofHope
Summary: Something is badly amiss onboard the Resolute.  A relentless evil walks, reducing the battle-hardened clones to mere echoes of themselves...
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54





	The Demon Barber of the Resolute

Screams echoed throughout the barracks. Sirens blared and lights flashed, red and yellow.

In the chaos one figure walked calmly throughout the compound, weapon in hand.

In the midst of the hubbub of men running to and fro, Captain Rex came to the room of the victim. It was dark; only the dull red hazard lights illuminating the room.

He kneeled next to the stricken trooper. “Tup, Tup speak to me! What happened, soldier?”

Tup was distraught, breathing ragged and tears streaming down his face. 

“Captain, he...it was awful sir, and I couldn’t stop him; he snuck up on me. And sir, he...oh, sir, he...”

Rex gripped Tup’s shoulders, shaking him impatiently. “Spit it out, trooper.”

Tup put a hand on Rex’s shoulder, looking up at him with frightened eyes. 

“He...he cut off my topknot.” 

Rex pulled away in horror.

“No...no! Why...”

Tup struggled to catch his breath. “He did, sir. Look!” With shaking hands, he held the thick knot of hair out to Rex, the strands nearly slipping through his fingers as he trembled. Rex shook his head in disbelief.

“No...no...why would anyone do this?”

“He said, sir...something about...all being the same...that we all have to be good soldiers....”

Rex squeezed Tup’s shoulder reassuringly. “I’ll find him. I’ll get to the bottom of this. I promise you, brother.”

Tup said nothing, only looked at the limp remnants of his topknot, mourning the loss of the precious long strands from his scalp.

More screams tore Rex from the pathetic sight. He turned and sped down the hall to their source, almost tripping over someone lying on the floor. He stopped and looked down. It was Boil from Ghost Company. The man was unconscious.

Rex kneeled down and peered in his face. He pulled back in horror. Boil’s curved mustache was completely gone. The man was clean shaven.

Cursing, Rex straightened up and kept running down the hall, when he heard another yell, not too far ahead of him. Rounding the corner, he came upon another horrific sight.

This time it was Hardcase, who was running his hands over his head obsessively.

“Hardcase, Hardcase! What happened, man? 

Hardcase looked up at Rex, almost past him, as if he didn’t see him, and kept stroking his head.

“Captain, is that you? Oh, Captain...you have to stop him, sir!”

“What happened, Hardcase? What did he do?”

“I don’t know where he got it Captain, but he...” Hardcase swallowed before continuing. “He... glued hair on my head. My...beautiful....bald...head!” Hardcase broke down in sobs.

Rex almost cried, himself; the tears came to his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He had to be strong for his brothers, and find the one who did this. He put a hand on Hardcase’s shoulder, unable to meet his eyes.

“Stay strong, soldier. I’ll find the one who did this.”

Hardcase looked at him in bewilderment, as if he just realized it was Rex who was there.

“Captain, be careful!” Hardcase gripped both of Rex’s shoulders hard, “He said he was coming for you, sir!”

Rex met his eyes grimly, gently but firmly returning Hardcase’s hands to his lap.

“I’ll be ready for him.”

With that, Rex stood to his feet, unholstering his Deecees. Face and heart set, he ran down the hall.

He heard footsteps coming to meet him at a four way corridor intersection, and raised his Deecees, ready to fire. He just kept himself from pulling the trigger. It was General Skywalker.

“Rex, what’s going on? Talk to me!” The Jedi’s face was all anger and concern.

“Sir, some...some sleemo is going around and shaving the men’s hair! It’s...it’s terrible sir!”

“Alright, I’ll take the left corridor, you take the right. Let’s find him.”

“Copy that, sir!”

“And Rex!” Rex turned, regarding the General attentively. 

“...Be careful.”

Rex nodded, “...You too sir.”

They parted, running their separate ways, Rex desperate to save his brothers and stop this needless evil.

This time, it was a woman’s scream Rex heard down the corridor. He picked up his pace, and came upon his commander, Ahsoka, lying in the mess hall as the door on the opposite side of the one Rex had entered through closed. He wanted to keep after whoever it was, but he had to make sure their commander was alright.

“Commander, are you okay?”

“Rex,” she whimpered, “It was all I had, but he took it...” She sniffled, and Rex felt his heart break. He put his hand on hers.

Ahsoka gulped and continued. “Rex, he plucked my eyelashes! It was the only hair I had!” She put her head in her hands, unable to say anything more.

“Oh...no...” Rex closed his eyes and steeled himself.

Reluctantly leaving the crying togruta, Rex charged through the door ahead. This had to end.

Rex came out into the main deck, the lights still flashing and alarm blaring.

He walked up to the viewport that looked out into deep space ahead of them, and took a breath. He’d avenge his shaven brothers, Hardcase, and his commander.

The door opened behind him. Rex spun around and pointed both of his Deecees at the door.

“Who is it? Show yourself!”

Whoever it was remained in the shadows just behind the threshold.

Rex kept hold of his Deecees, trembling despite himself. Whoever this was had made short work of his brothers and their commander, and Rex wasn’t going to cut his chances by underestimating them.

He saw one armor-plated plastoid boot come into his view, then another. The rest of their form still loomed in darkness.

Slowly, a hand came forward from the shadows, and what Rex saw nearly made him gag and drop his Deecees in horror.

They held General Skywalker’s thick brown locks in their hand.

“General Skywalker....General Skywalker, NO!!!”

Rex fired blindly, but kept missing in rage and distress as he fired, one two, one two.

Finally, they stepped fully into the light.

Rex saw his own face looking back at him, but instead of blonde hair and a clean shaven face, he saw jet black hair, a goateed chin, and a numerical tattoo on his temple. 

“Fives??” Rex cried in disbelief. “Fives...Fives, no...how could you...how could you do this to General Skywalker, to Commander Tano, to your own brothers!”

Fives approached him slowly, gripping General Skywalker’s hair in one hand and an electric shaver in the other.

“Good soldiers follow orders, Captain.” He powered up the shaver, and its mechanic whirring seemed to drown out everything around Rex.

“Fives, no! NOOOOOO!!!”

  
......................

Fives jerked up from the bunk, holding and shaking his head. 

_It was a dream_. 

“What in the Force...agh,” he rubbed his eyes. “No more late night rations for me...”

Fives ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed his jaw.

Wait.

Something was missing.

He didn’t feel any rough hair on his chin where it always was.

Tumbling over the edge of the bunk, Fives looked around for a reflective surface he could use as a mirror. He stumbled over to one of the low windows in the barrack walls. His mouth hung open. 

His face was completely smooth. He looked just like Echo.

_Echo..._

Fives heard rustling from the bunks behind him, and saw a figure dart out toward the mess hall.

“ECHO!! ECHO, GET BACK HERE!”

Echo laughed maniacally as he ran down the hall, electric shaver in his hands.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this ridiculousness...
> 
> This is my first completed fanfic; I had so much fun writing it!
> 
> The title is taken from the musical “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street,” in case you weren’t aware.
> 
> Comments and critiques are appreciated!


End file.
